How a Democrat and a Republican worked together to protect same-sex marriage

Games of chicken over whether the U.S. government will honor its financial obligations have been just another indicator of the bitter dysfunction laying siege to Congress and to American politics in general.

Yet, less noted was bipartisan passage of the Respect for Marriage Act, spearheaded by Sens. Tammy Baldwin, D-Wis., and Susan Collins, R-Maine. I recently interviewed both senators as they were honored by the University of Delaware's Biden School Civility in Public Service Award.

Our conversations focused on the legislation, but even more so on what the bill’s success might mean for depolarizing American politics.

Work on same-sex marriage legislation began after Roe was overturned

The Respect for Marriage Act served to repeal the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act, signed into law by then-President Bill Clinton. The law defined marriage as between one man and one woman on the federal level, thereby preventing the federal government from recognizing same-sex couples married on the state level as being entitled to the same benefits and visitation rights afforded heterosexual marital unions. 

The impetus for this new piece of legislation came in the fallout of last year's Supreme Court decision that overturned Roe v. Wade. In his concurring opinion, Justice Clarence Thomas expressed disagreement with the basis upon which Roe had established a right to abortion, arguing as it did that the procedure was protected within the due process clause of the 14th Amendment. 

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Given that the court was rejecting this position as a constitutional basis for abortion, Thomas expressed the view that other rights based in a similar interpretation of the 14th Amendment may need to be revisited. Those included cases such as Obergefell vs. Hodges, the 2015 Supreme Court decision that same-sex marriages are protected under the 14th Amendment.

As Sen. Baldwin said to me, “People who achieved marriage equality saw Dobbs and said, ‘We’re in jeopardy.’ ”

Even at the time, the Obergefell decision was at odds with the Defense of Marriage Act, a fact that occurred to Sen. Collins in the aftermath of Dobbs. “The worry was that the Supreme Court might change its mind one day … because DOMA was never repealed," she said.

Interracial marriage also was without federal guarantee. So a bipartisan coalition, including Republican Sens. Rob Portman, Thom Tillis, Lisa Murkowski and Collins, focused on recruiting eight additional Republicans to deliver a sufficient majority to move the legislation to the president’s desk.

I suspected that relationships of trust built across the aisle mattered a great deal to the success of this effort. Baldwin confirmed that fact, noting her working relationship with Collins.

“Susan and I had passed legislation to recognize family caregivers," Baldwin said. "We’ve worked on drafting legislation that gives our National Guard members access to reliable health coverage. We’ve worked together on so many issues … there is a long history of bipartisan work there.”

'Getting the discussions going before the forces of polarization got going'

Before passage in the Senate, the House passed the Respect for Marriage Act 267-157 (with 47 House Republicans voting in favor). President Joe Biden signed the bill into law in December.

“One of the key things was getting the discussions going before the forces of polarization got going," Baldwin said. "Sometimes we’re not quick enough to start talking across the party aisle.”

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The bill was framed as a bipartisan effort to protect pivotal rights in a way that respected the values of people across the aisle. And it worked.

The senators' bipartisan work attracted the commendation of the SNF Ithaca Initiative, which presented Baldwin and Collins with the award in a recent ceremony.

I was approached to speak with the senators by Timothy Shaffer, director of the SNF Ithaca Initiative. He also is a researcher at the National Institute for Civil Discourse, an important organization in the larger field of civic bridge building.

I asked Shaffer why SNF Ithaca decided to honor Collins and Baldwin for basically doing the job of a legislator in working and negotiating with colleagues on the other side of the aisle. Shaffer stressed the initiative’s focus on highlighting constructive public service for young people and the need for “exemplars … who are willing to do the heavy lift required” to pass bipartisan legislation.

“So often, we look at Washington and see dysfunction," Shaffer said. "Here’s another angle … what’s possible when people look at an issue like marriage, get right to the heart of people’s values and sit with leaders of religious communities, churches and synagogues? How do we give respect to religious institutions and make sure people don’t have to diverge from their firmly held beliefs?”

The point about respecting religious beliefs is important. Both Collins and Baldwin stressed the importance of making sure that protecting marriage equality did not require communities of faith to negate their own values by having to perform religious ceremonies or otherwise redefine their own definitions of marriage to conform with the law.

Senators worked to protect competing rights

The senators said ensuring that a balance of rights was respected required deep, inclusive community engagement with progressive activists and people from the LGBTQ community – as well as social conservatives and Americans from traditional religious communities.

The community engagement that went into passage of the law is significant for me. I support the new law, but I also would be just as encouraged by legislation I didn't support if it were the product of this same kind of cross-community engagement. It is essential for all of us as Americans to work across partisan and cultural divides.

We need more elected leaders like Baldwin and Collins who will work together across political lines, and we need more Americans in general who are willing to battle the toxic fumes of polarization.

“There’s no generic answer (to how to communicate across the divide),” Baldwin said. “But when you can identify X as a challenge, you can identify paths to overcome that challenge. Once you’re in agreement about what the challenges are to be overcome you have a path forward.”

Collins stressed the need to look beyond tribal labels. “I think whether we’re talking family or local school board, that it is best if we stop identifying each other politically or ideologically and instead think about what we do working together for the community," she said. "We’ve lost this ability to be understanding of an alternative viewpoint, and instead we tend to label people and think that if they think one way on one issue we write them off. And that’s not good.”

To that I can only agree.

Unfortunately, the success of the Respect for Marriage Act is not likely to be a harbinger of any fundamental change in the culture of Congress or in the reduction of polarization in America. But it is a reminder that we still have the ability to work together across the divide if we choose to.

Our destiny as a nation is not defined by the forces of polarization. Not unless we allow it to be.

John Wood Jr. is a columnist for USA TODAY Opinion. He is national ambassador for Braver Angels, a former nominee for Congress, former vice chairman of the Republican Party of Los Angeles County, musical artist, and a noted writer and speaker on subjects including racial and political reconciliation. Follow him on Twitter: @JohnRWoodJr